If I have learned anything from 53 years of life...it is that looking ahead with a "new year's resolution" mind set is tricky, delusional and disappointing. Sitting in the midst of post-Christmas trauma, contemplation is more about recovery than it is about understanding.
But - understanding does come. And a look ahead can be...if nothing else...a way of holding out your hope so that
you (and others) can see it and have a better understanding of who you are and what makes you tick.
I have already stated that 2009 was a difficult year, but one in which chaos and pain moved towards culmination, transf
ormation, and serenity.
2010 is the year for that process to bear fruit. In 2009, I began to reclaim a spiritual life. When I left the church (and Christian religion) in 2004, I was hurt, bruised, confused and angry as hell. I eagerly embraced atheism as a means to get back at God and to freak out the horrible Christian people I knew. Over the years, I softened up a bit...even to the point of admitting that - yeh, I do believe there is a God - and yeh, the story of Grace as seen in Jesus is a good one. And, OK, there are some Christians who actually live like it. Those five years of wilderness wandering helped me to see...from a dying man's point of view (not a teenager who wanted to be cool) the value of a spiritual world view. That true spiritual life is a blessing.
So, I start 2010 with a strong spiritual center again, and am eager to explore it.
In numerology, 2010 has the value of 3. 3 is a very important number...it is the first "odd" number in the numerical sequence, and it is also the second prime. The number symbolizes completion, wholeness, revolution...not the end of a process, but the beginning of its culmination.
There are so many threes to note: the Divine Trinity, the mind-emotions-body triad, the past-present-future dimensions of time.
The triangle (above) - a potent symbol from the most distant days of humanity's past - represents a coming together of dualities. One line stands alone, two lines cannot encompass a thing...but three lines? Ah, you begin to see.
The triangle has become a symbol for my year, and what I see coming in it for me.
I am also embracing the number three - 3 - for this year.
Another interesting observation: in 2009, I began to embrace a new path. Part of that path has been to explore and experience meditation as taught by eastern and quantum mysticism .
Part of that experience is to find a mantra - a word or phrase or note that can help you focus your thoughts and express your intention in meditation.
For several weeks, I have been drawn to OM. Now, OM is the most common and universally known mantra out there. Nothing real unique about it...except its meaning is powerful to me. OM is said to be the sound, the note, of creation. It is the pulling together of order out of chaos, it is the sound of the mind of the divine within us. I must say, when I chant OM...I become focused, and experience a convergence with the divine, with the deep past of my ancestry, unlike anything I have ever known.
Look above, and you will see the symbol for OM. Guess what? The numerical value of OM is 3. The symbol for OM looks like a three! Woooooooooo.....
OK - so here's my western-formulated and expressed wish list for 2010...go on, read it. If you have come this far, you may as well go all the way. Everything expressed here, for the most part, reflects my newly embraced path and journey...
1. to grow in meditation and understanding of the mystical path, namely zen
2. to release my creative mind as I have never done before, specifically:
- write my books
- more poetry, and publish
- get back to making and recording music...with a vision now
- water color
(seriously, all this stuff is stuff I do but not intensely...the time has come to live it, intentionally and intensely!)
3. back to running, getting in shape, taking control...I was working towards it in 2009, gave up in 2009, back in it for 2010...feel the wave!
4. begin my Ph.D. studies (if finances make it possible...will find a way)
5. begin my first step in certification as a Licensed Professional Counselor
6. Make a strong (and sometimes hard) choice to reconnect with friends (I am not a people person naturally, but I love people...and this is what my dharma is saying to me now)
7. continue to grow in honoring the family that I have and love
8. finish my back yard (landscaping) and build a zen garden - loving the outdoors
9. begin to release my personal power towards helping others
10. exercise my servant muscles...giving giving giving with joy and love and a flow of abundance
Is that enough? Probably not. But it is the first ZEN TEN of my new life.