the people along the sand all turn and look one way;
they turn their back on the land, they look at the sea all day.

as long as it takes to pass a ship keeps raising its hull;
the wetter ground like glass reflects a standing gull.

the land may vary more, but wherever the truth may be -
the water comes ashore and people look at the sea.

they cannot look out far, they cannot see in deep -
but when was that ever a bar for any watch they keep.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Looking Back...2009

It was indeed the best of times...the worst of times. Started the year working with the Appalachian Trail Conservancy...a dream job that turned into a nightmare. Came back to is a good place...a place to work that is stable, fun, meaningful, and very little pressure. Gives me the chance to review and work on other areas of my non-work areas (wow, lots of work in that sentence). So, without commentary, here is a list of things done, experienced, and...uhm...whatever! Films: Star Trek District 9 Inglourious Basterds Knowing Zombieland The Informant! Drag Me To Hell Moon Music: Mastodon - Crack the Skye Steve Tibbetts - YR Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack Books: Hero With A Thousand Faces The Tibetan Book of the Dead Drood The Song of Kali The Hour I First Believed The Stain The Lost Symbol Getting In the Gap Places I Went: Boca Grande, Florida Nantahala Forest, North Carolina Memorable things I did: kayak across the bay and in the mangroves in Boca kayak down the Ocoee River with Pam kayak down the Nantahala hiked several neat trails in Nantahala tried salvia (omfg) caught N1H1 - so did wife, she ended up in hospital for a week started my back yard...can't wait to finish it 2009 was a good year in many ways, but also a very difficult and painful one. Had to come face to face with some difficult issues - in my marriage, my personal life, my finances, and my attitude. Actually, many of those difficult issues were started years ago, but found their culmination in 2009. In numerology, the year 2009 possesses the value of 11, and 2. 11 being a Master Number, is considered the perfection of 2 (1+1). 2 represents duality, conflict, chaos. 11 represents the culmination of chaos, which can lead to either reconciliation of duality and transformation, or disintegration and destruction. I would say that sums up 2009 pretty well for me. The great news is that it seems that 2009 became a year in which I payed attention, made some good decisions for my inner life especially, and the culmination of chaos led to reconciliation of duality and transformation. I reconnected to my spirituality in 2009 (I had to - alcohol and drugs weren't doing it for me) and discovered a path that is bringing about radical empowerment to me. Not ready to talk about it completely, but it is very real, very hopeful, and very personal. My marriage remains strong. My personal life stronger. My its been in years and years. My finances...aacchh! Still suck...but we buy stuff like we had lots of money, so damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead. 2010 will bring further resolution and clarity in this probably see you in bankruptcy court. I know probably no-one has read this. If you do, at least sign in below in the comment section, let me know someone cares, someone pays attention. Please. I am so desperate for affirmation from someone. I am so alone. All I want is a friend.


  1. Hi! I care and pay attention. You've got a friend in me! I'm with you all the way.